At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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