just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
