she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
