I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
