WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
