what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
try to milk me bitch
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