Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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