The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize