So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize