you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
