They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
