How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
