K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
