I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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