im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
