Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
