Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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