my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
