shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
