We named our party play list daddy issues
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found the puke drawer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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