just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
