guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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