if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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