I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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