How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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