My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we're so committed to being not committed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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