You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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