i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
