Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
