I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
