His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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