just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
