Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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