Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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