I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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