she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
