I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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