Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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