So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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