You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
