I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have post one night stand depression
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
