highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
