So drunk its hurt
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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