You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize