just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
