idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize