Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
