I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
