my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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