I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Houston, we have a squirter
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
