i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just gargled with NyQuil
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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