Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
