When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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