we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
