I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
