oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
