Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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