I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
