i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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