You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
