Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
