yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
