I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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