Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she peed on how many people?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
