is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
