I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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