My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
