last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
