Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
