Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
