Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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