she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
